Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in rip v. winkle's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, December 28th, 2006
6:15 am	i forgot i even had this thing. better not do anything about it, huh? (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 15th, 2005
2:38 am	today was the first day i realized i've lived a wasted life. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 18th, 2005
1:11 am	a grand don't come for free so it's been some months now. and i haven't posted. so what better than some emo british rap lyrics? because this is the type of crap i'm in. proper sorry frown. And I'm just standing there I can't say a word Because everything is just gone I've got nothing Absolutely nothing Trying to pull her close out of bear desperation Put my arms around her, trying to change what she's saying Pull my head level with hers so that she might engage in Look in to her eyes to make her listen again I'm not gonna fucking just fucking leave it all now 'Cause you said it'd be forever, and that was your vow And your gonna let our things simply crash and fall down You're well out of order now, this is well out of town She pulls away my arms, tightly clamped round her waist Gently pushes me back as she looks at me straight Turns around so she's now got her back to my face Takes one step forward, looks back, then walks away Dry your eyes mate I know it's hard to take, but her mind has been made up There's plenty more fish in the sea Dry your eyes mate I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts But you've got to walk away now, it's over Current Mood: numb Current Music: the streets - "dry your eyes mate" (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 7th, 2004
7:04 am	it's about damn time. for a new lj post. so be on the look out for that...you stupid bitches. - i apologize, it's 7 am. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, July 19th, 2004
5:13 pm	"warm up the puss" - joseph parker. i actually told a girl, "you wish" last night. what a fucking asshole. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, May 14th, 2004
8:07 pm	ta-day! bosstone86's Word Usage 1. i (190) 26. on (25) 51. really (15) 76. want (11) 2. the (142) 27. right (24) 52. up (15) 77. shit (11) 3. to (126) 28. now (24) 53. are (14) 78. your (10) 4. and (101) 29. into (23) 54. fuck (14) 79. going (10) 5. a (95) 30. love (23) 55. see (14) 80. cause (10) 6. of (91) 31. don't (23) 56. they (14) 81. i'll (10) 7. that (90) 32. she (22) 57. from (14) 82. been (10) 8. i'm (77) 33. with (22) 58. do (14) 83. things (10) 9. me (74) 34. have (21) 59. too (14) 84. need (9) 10. my (73) 35. one (21) 60. dose (13) 85. eyes (9) 11. it's (62) 36. was (20) 61. something (13) 86. could (9) 12. you (62) 37. at (20) 62. we (13) 87. am (9) 13. it (60) 38. not (20) 63. say (13) 88. never (9) 14. in (52) 39. what (20) 64. if (13) 89. which (9) 15. her (51) 40. i've (19) 65. slug (12) 90. why (9) 16. this (51) 41. how (19) 66. turns (12) 91. will (9) 17. is (49) 42. out (19) 67. while (12) 92. way (9) 18. so (45) 43. about (18) 68. can't (12) 93. thank (9) 19. for (42) 44. when (18) 69. there (11) 94. through (9) 20. just (38) 45. think (17) 70. more (11) 95. most (9) 21. but (36) 46. back (17) 71. feel (11) 96. can (9) 22. be (31) 47. no (16) 72. that's (11) 97. there's (9) 23. know (30) 48. time (16) 73. turn (11) 98. then (9) 24. all (28) 49. becomes (16) 74. as (11) 99. very (8) 25. like (28) 50. here (16) 75. life (11) 100. everything (8) Username: Word Count by Hutta. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, April 9th, 2004
5:31 am	suck on this. Am I a jack of all trades? Nope... I like to write songs though Are they good? I dunno... But I could tell you that I only write shit down when I believe it So take this how you want, but know I mean it. I want you all to know that I'm scared out of my fuckin' crooked soul and have never faced a monster like the last few months Ever in my whole life... I wish I could explain this better But the pieces won't formulate it to anything even close to cohesive. So I guess this is my feeble way to thank you Four soldiers that extended something sacred out of the purity of kindness I owe you all my life and please don't argue with that statement 'Cause without y'all I may not have a life to offer, take it. Thank you I wish I could explain this better. Thank you I'm sorry for burdening your pleasures. Thank you I love you all with all that's left of me. Thank you For helping try to kill what made a mess of me Thank you Somehow, someway. Thank you I'm gunna get you back someday. Thank you Just gotta figure this all out... I guess it is kind of funny when you look at it from a step back How one man can literally buckle under the same pressures Other men operate normally under I have scoped this out from all angles, multiple times I have been over everything in my head, until I can't think anymore But I guess some times, when you can't breathe, there are people there to breathe for you I am lucky enough to have those people around me. Pocket full of pennies, and a soul gone tilt Cockpit full of memories and a dream full of guilt Current Mood: awake Current Music: duh (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 13th, 2003
1:06 am	droppin bangers part 2: always coming back home to you... Took a right on Lindale, I'm getting near But then the road became empty and the people disappear'd. The clouds ran away, opened up the sky And one by one I watched every constellation die. And there I was frozen, standin in my backyard Face to face, eye to eye, starin at the last star. I should've known, walked all the way home To find that she wasn't here, I was still all alone. - you know who. on my desk right now...are four worn down no.2 pencils that lie on top of my notebook, erasers untouched. lighters and lighters and lighters, did i mention that i don't smoke? four half empty (pessimist) glasses of water, strategically placed, like that little girl from "signs", in case of alien attacks. "Flamin' Hot" fries. my "nikolai 8 taryn" picture. a ridiculous amount of pills. a molding of a hand making a "peace" sign that alex made for me last year. my wallet, with no money in it. my cell phone, with no recent calls...which leaves only enough room for my elbows, which hold up my face in my hands... …coming soon…droppin bangers part 3: the final banger… (2 Comments |Comment on this)
12:43 am	droppin bangers part 1: Verbal Intercourse, Vol. 3: It's Better To Have Loved... You know that feeling...where you want to eat some mushrooms and disappear into the mountains for like a week? That feeling is very pervasive with me right now. The anguish of my last failed relationship has begun to set in deeply. I think I was in shock when it happened, but it's all becoming very real right now. The one before this last one was mentally ill and before her, there were no girls for a long time. So I had some hope for this one. She was sweet, mentally stable, pretty, creative, etc. In short, there wasn't a lot wrong with her. Except that she broke up with me, of course, which I have to hold against her, just a little bit. I have a feeling that her eyes are going to haunt me for the rest of my life, however. She had the most devastatingly beautiful brown eyes I've ever seen in a girl. I fell hard. What else could I do? Now her look is tattooed on my brain. Every one of her varying gazes are etched into my subconscious. They appear in my head anywhere, at any time, like photographs of those memorable moments from childhood that you keep stashed in the back of your mind. I remember what her eyes looked like when she became amused at one of my political rants. She didn't give a damn about politics, which to me, was one of the most special things about her. I especially liked how they looked when she laughed at something funny while we were watching a movie. Her laugh was so genuine and pure, something I didn't have, but was glad I had in her instead. I remember what they looked like right before she fell asleep, how she stared adoringly and reassuringly. Most of all, I remember what they looked like when she told me she didn't want us to see each other anymore. I tried playing it off at the time, but I was officially shattered. I felt foolishly triumphant not letting her see it. I'm still not sure why I did that. My friends tell me to move on already, it's just a girl, there'll be more. They know better than that, though, because they know how stupidly sensitive I am and how hard I take this stuff. They want me to be mad at her, but I refuse. If she wasn't happy, what was I going to do? Force her to stay around anyway? That wouldn't be right, no matter how you sliced it. That's what love is, caring about someone else's well being above yours. I think my friends are worried though, because I'm not furious at her. That's the typical reaction to these types of situations, isn't it, to get angry at your ex because they can't see the wonderfulness that is you? It's an awfully egotistical way to be, if you ask me. I suppose facing the reality that you aren't someone's ideal partner in life is a far too depressing fact to confront for most people. Peace, FuseONE (of hhi) so that pretty much sums up exactly how i feel at the moment. i've been keeping busy lately, ridiculously busy, to help keep my mind off of her. it works...to an extant. i fell, and fell hard. but now it's time to stand back up. i'm not necessarily ready to dust myself off...i'd feel too uncomfortable without this shield around me. i've turned my back on relationships and god, which sucks, cause i know both of them will eventually come back and bite me in the ass. i'm far from bitter. which is good, because i hate being bitter. i've stopped doing the things that have hurt me so much in the past. i've been writing more and doing very well in school, thanks to a new "clear mind". i've learned a lot about myself...maybe too much. from certain conversations and taryn's last entry, i've realized that i am too caring and too open with my feelings. it's a fault of mine, and one that i vow to end immediately. have i changed? nah, not at all. just don't talk to me about god or relationships for awhile, cause as of right now, i've never heard of either. blah, blah, blah...to sum things up...emotionally: i'm a wreck, everything else: is just alright. piece, nikMURILLO (of o,fl) (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, October 27th, 2003
4:29 am	i'm done. there's nothing left for me here. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 8th, 2003
4:10 am	Then we'll wait for it to pass That's why I'm singing baby don't worry 'Cause now I got your back And every time you feel like crying I'm gonna try and make you laugh And if I can't If it just hurts too bad Then we'll wait for it to pass And I will keep you company for those days so long and black And we'll keep working on the problem We know we'll never solve Of love's uneven remainders Our lives are fractions of a whole But if the world could remain within a frame Like a painting on a wall Then I think we'd see the beauty then We'd stand staring in awe so do you get the point that i'm going through a tough time? i'm still grinnin tho. i know it's all gunna work out. i know we'll be alright. i'm getting by. i dont sleep anymore...but other than that i'm doing alright. i dont think i have to say anymore...except atmosphere is coming to orlando. damn yeah. g'night. Current Mood: restless Current Music: bright eyes - bowl of oranges (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 27th, 2003
5:15 am	stay a little bit longer... i'm 19 years old. and i have no fucking idea what's going on with my life. i've always been somewhat confident in knowing about myself. how i work and why i work. how i think and why i think. where i'm going and why i'm going. but as of yesterday, i'm lost. and sure of it. and it's fucking scary. i'm not talking about where i'm going in life...what's in my future...or even what i'm doing tomorrow morning. i understand that that is something to fear, and i do have strong "mixed" feelings about my future. but being completely lost in who i am and not understanding things that i do...it's like...i've been viewing my life from outside of my body, pretending to see what everyone else sees...and it's ugly. and i'm not meaning to sound into myself in anyway, because i am a piece of shit, and i know that...i just want to understand the way i am. i'm scared of finding something that i hate about myself, and not being able to change it. i'm worried. i'm worried because i don't know what to do. when it comes to something about myself or a situation that i have to deal with, then my heads on my shoulders and i figuere it out. but i'm lost. scared. and i don't know what to do. my head is somewhere between here and fort fucking myers and i really, really feel alone. kinda hurts ya know. a lot of mixed things happened over summer. and i know a few things have changed me and how i think. whether it's for good or for bad...we'll have to see when i get all this shit straightened out. i know noone likes reading this shit...so don't. i'll figuere it all out. "it's her smile, it captivates me mind, body, and soul." Current Mood: worried (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 31st, 2003
12:53 am	keep the change... so i've become a hermit of sorts. and quite frankly, i'm sick of myself. start work on monday, which means i'll be tired always and never want to go out. everything has been just so disappointing this week. i'm in a rut i'd say. on a lighter note: i have a baby sister as of around 3 o'clock yesterday. she's right across the street actually, at cape hospital. she's probably the most beautiful thing i've seen since...i dunno even know when. i just held her and smiled. i'm a sucker. i really don't understand my dad, and i don't think i ever will. that really disappoints me. my mom's job is in jeopardy after 14 years, for something someone else did. that disappoints me. this town makes me feel things i've never asked to feel. heh, you can always tell when i'm back home...when i write one of these lame, depressing posts. blah blah. next year will be amazing. i'm incredibly excited about it. i'm left with zero room for error tho. one fuck up, and i'm stuck in this hell hole for life. needless to say, that's more than enough motivation for me. and so i've been thinking...there's a lot of things that i'd like to change about myself. but then i wonder...would she want me to change them? i'm an alright person. i don't think they're many people out there that don't like me, or have something against me. but there are just these parts of me that i wish were different. i'm not a confident person. whatsoever. ehhh, fuck this. i'm just bein gay. i'm just worried that it may be too late for me to change something. all i can say for now is...we'll see. well, it's off to bed. just figured i'd fill you in on my wonderful summer so far. where is she to fall asleep on me? i can wait. just keep the change... Current Mood: blank Current Music: "seven nation army" - whitestripes (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 6th, 2003
3:25 am	it's james and the giant tugboat complex, and he's annoyed "all i ever wanted was to pick apart the day put the pieces back together my way." dare i say that i'm looking forward to going back home for the summer? well, i was. and then my wonderful mother sprayed her rays of sunshine. made me feel like shit. worthless. too bad she hates me. too bad i'm not such a big fan of hers either. i'm so testy right now, i'd probably punch you in the face if you criticized how i say "I-ther" (either) instead of your "EE-ther" shit. it will be great to see everyone again though. i miss everyone so damn much. i just need someone to rub my belly and make all this shit go away. to those who let me vent on em tonight (bobbo, danielle, justine) i thank you. cause if not...my apartment would have been filled with dead bodies. respect. and i'm off... every word from her mouth makes me love her even more... "i don't wanna save the world i'd rather watch it die slow so i could spit my grand 'i told you so!'" Current Mood: cranky Current Music: my fan, it's about to explode (Comment on this)
Friday, April 25th, 2003
4:29 pm	who wants a livejournal t-shirt? fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck...but seriously, fuck. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 16th, 2003
5:38 am	...but she hurts so good... ...yeah... she applied the lipstick slow slow enough for me to bask in fast enough for me to wish it lasting past my alarm's cackling Current Mood: awake Current Music: the opus feat. aesop ROCK - take me to the basement (Comment on this)
Friday, March 21st, 2003
1:27 pm	so you can wave that piece of shit flag if you dare... this war is startin to piss me off. this place is startin to piss my off. gunna try to post a real entry later; i really can't think right now. -nikolai. Current Mood: cranky Current Music: RHCP (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 12th, 2003
3:23 am	fuck i'm in a bad place right now... more in the morning. (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 6th, 2003
4:33 am	and this godzilla jukie... so much to say...so little mind to say it... Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: what do you think? (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 27th, 2003
2:53 am	this is how i shall rise... don't really know how i feel right now. it's bad though. i'm just sad. i'm just so incredibly lonely. i don't feel right. i feel wrong. i miss being happy. i miss her. my life's slowly becoming a routine. a sad, boring, lonely routine. a worthless routine. i hurt. everywhere and in every sense. and there's no one here that understands me. i really love this place, but right now... i just wanna be so far away. say california maybe. it's just really taking a toll on me now. being so far away. i need it to be physical. i need to touch. i need to feel. i need to grow the fuck up. weird thing is, i'm the most grown up person here. that doesn't help. i need help. i know this is just a phase. i know my bruises will heal. they always do. it's just hard when there's so much shit goin on. god i miss her so much. If you are wondering what I'm gonna do... while you are sleeping Am I sleeping too? Well I'm just sitting here loving you Closing my eyes and loving you I'm just sitting back, sitting here loving you... - some dude from hhi. sleep happy everyone. Current Mood: alone Current Music: zion i - "hidden song #1" (2 Comments |Comment on this)